I took some selfies today without really planning it. As of late, I’ve been feeling more comfortable with myself. There’s the constant movement of oscillating between being really into myself and dressing and styling myself as resistance on one end and feeling extremely uncomfortable with my visibility as a fat person and knowing that my appearance and therefore character are always up for judgment.
Well, there’s also the middle space in which I feel a bit of both. Mildly uncomfortable in my high waisted shorts that show the fullness of my thighs and crop tops that refuse conceal rolls on my stomach, I try and fight restrictive body policing that made me think that cute clothes were only for thin people.
But today, despite wearing my work uniform whilst all my coworkers wore jeans and a t shirt, I felt good about myself. I wanted to celebrate my own body, I guess, by taking photos to see how differently it looks from various angles. I wanted to see how my face changed while playing with different emotions. I just wanted to look at myself and appreciate the body I have.
I wrote “Fat Vanity” across this because I will proudly revel in my own…presence. Eurocentric ideals of beauty be damned because I’m fucking awesome. The thin body ideal can take a backseat. This face, body, my everything is exactly as it should be.
